Do not compromise

This is my problem with relationships.

The world seems to be full of couples. There’s really nothing wrong with that until I ask myself, how did these people manage to pick out someone and stick with them?

I think of how some people are just happy being together. They’re not exactly perfect for each other, but they manage. Now, I can’t live like that. I’m not the kind who settles into a relationship just because I need to be in one. This is also the same reason why I hate it when I see couples who just stick together even if they’re not really meant for each other. The problem with being in a relationship is that you work on things, you compromise, and that is a powerful blur tool. You always give the relationship or your partner the benefit of the doubt and you may end up not being so rational.

When I was in a relationship, I tried to work around so many things. I accepted habits and paradigms. I allowed myself to be in situations and places that I’d usually hate. I did things I didn’t necessarily want to do. I know that’s part of being in a relationship and to a certain point, sure, I can say that I was happy.

But let’s say, hypothetically, if I stayed in the last relationship I was in and just worked on compromising everything, I’d be 90% dumber, because conversations would never be about anything important or even remotely interesting, I’d probably be unhappy with my career because I would have gotten convinced to settle for something that had immediate gains but no long term growth, and I’d probably be 120% less interesting person because I would be financially strapped down and wouldn’t be able to explore the world the way I wanted to.

Yes, I would have probably ended up with a certain degree of happiness, but I wouldn’t be maximizing my potential.

So when a girl continues to stay with a guy who isn’t funny, who’s dumb as a rock, who has no sense of anything worldly, who has no romantic bone in his body, even if let’s say he’s good looking or kind or book smart, she’d be missing out on so much (if she values humor, intelligence, worldliness, etc). Let’s say she has a passion for exploring the world, but her boyfriend isn’t really the type who likes to travel, sure she can let go of that passion, but wouldn’t she have been better off if she were able to pursue it?

Is it wrong for me to assume that these people are not fully maximizing who they could be by settling for the wrong person? In my world, it makes perfect sense. There should be no reason to settle.

I’m going to be single for 6 years this year, and although some people may think that that’s a bad thing, I’m actually proud of it. I’m proud that I’m single because I do not compromise. I am not afraid of being alone. I do not settle for a relationship just to be in one. I do not settle for practicality. I do not settle to stick to a decision—cause that would mean I could just pick anyone and marry her. I do not settle because it is convenient, or because it is fun, or because I feel pressure (and the world does pressure me).

I don’t give in because I have principles. I don't give in because I'm all right by myself. Being in a relationship is sacred to me. I don’t want to be with someone I do not see becoming my wife. And because I hold the sacrament of marriage with such high respect, I simply can not just settle like that.

I might offend some people, maybe someone who’s in a relationship. He may read this and say, we got together just because it was convenient and we’re very much content right now. How dare you judge us!?

I’ve nothing against that. All of us have our own value systems. We all have our own definitions of love. And love can bloom from nothing. There are probably thousands of arranged marriages that have loving, happy, content couples. Given that, you really could probably just pick a random person, and if you had no choice, you would find a way to be happy. Nothing wrong with it. It works. It’s been proven. It can result to genuine love.

But that’s just not how I’m built. Call me a very hopeless romantic, but there just should be more to being in a relationship than practicality. It’s one of the most important things in a person’s life. It therefore shouldn’t be built upon simple utility. If for anything, it should be a catalyst to greater things.

By myself, I know I am capable of great things. I do not need someone else to be who I ought to be. When I get into a relationship, I won't allow myself to be limited. But I know that if I find someone who dreams as big as I do, then we would be capable of things greater than either of us could have ever imagined.

These big expectations make it harder to find someone. But hey, I know she’s out there. I know this isn’t an impossible case too, cause I know people who fit the bill. They’re just already taken, are too far away, or just don't like me back. Wrong place and time, sure, but most likely, just not the right one yet.

So an advanced happy valentine’s day to all the couples! And to all the singles, just hang in there, and don’t settle.